Managing stress

A talk for teachers.

Life is complicated. There will always be problems. Stress is a distraction from what is really important. Don’t wait for things to get better. Count your blessings. Learn to be happy right now.

When do you get stressed?

A glass of water

I am asking you to pick up this glass of water in your hand. How long can you hold it? If you hold it for a minute, nothing happens. If you hold it for an hour, your hand would hurt. If you hold it for a day, your hand would become numb and paralysed. In all cases the weight of the water doesn’t change. The longer you hold it, the heavier it becomes.

Similar is stress. If you think for a minute, nothing happens. If you think for an hour, it hurts. If you think continuously for the whole day, you will feel paralysed and won’t be able to concentrate on any other work.

It is important to let go of your stress and not carry it with you everywhere.

What stress is

Stress is the wear and tear our minds and bodies experience as we try to cope with changes in our environment. Any type of change that causes physical, emotional, or psychological strain is stress.

Before we reduce stress, we have to understand stress. Sometimes the best way to manage your stress involves changing your situation. Other times the best strategy is to change the way you respond to a situation. There is no one right way to deal with stress. Developing a clear understanding of how stress affects your mental and physical health is the first step. So the first step is to accept that we are stressed. We have to stop denying it.

How do you know that your friend, or anyone in your family, is stressed? These are common signs:

• A change of mood
• Sweaty palms
• Difficulty in sleeping
• Dizziness
• Digestive problems
• Feeling anxious
• Grinding the teeth
• Headaches
• Low energy
• Muscle tension, especially in the neck and shoulders
• Random walking

Stress is not always easy to recognise, but there are signs which signal a stressful mind.

Psychological signs. Difficulty in concentration. Worrying. Anxiety. Trouble in remembering.

Emotional signs. Being angry. Irritation. Mood swings. Frustration.

Physical signs. High blood pressure. A change in weight, losing weight suddenly. Frequent colds and infections.

Behavioural signs. Poor care of oneself. Relying on drugs or alcohol. Not speaking to anyone, confined in a room.

If you have any of these, it is time to introspect.

Where it comes from

There are many different things in life that can cause stress. Some of the main causes outside us are these. Can you help me name them?

Work. Any number of things can contribute to job stress. Too much work. Job insecurity. Dissatisfaction at the workplace. Conflicts with colleagues or the boss. Leave. Salary. A poor result from the students.

Money. A majority of studies report money as a significant source of stress. Stress related to finances results in distress, and it has been linked to a number of health issues.

Relationships. Personal relationships cause stress. It could be a family member, an intimate partner, a friend, or a co-worker. Toxic people around us also add to stress, and that affects our mental and physical health. We may develop depression and anxiety.

Parenting. Parents are often faced with managing busy schedules that include a job, household work, looking after old parents, and at the same time raising children. These demands result in parenting stress. High levels of it can cause a parent to be harsh, negative, and authoritarian with their children. It can decrease the quality of the parent-child relationship. You may not have an open communication, so your child doesn’t come to you for advice, or you may end up arguing. Sources of parenting stress may include being from a lower-income group, working long hours, single parenting. Numerous studies show that parents of children with autism report higher levels of parenting stress than others.

Daily hassles. What happens when our domestic help doesn’t reach on time, or informs us that she will not come today as she has a fever? Other stresses from outside are noise, bright light, heat, confined spaces, crowding, wars, insects. Rudeness, bossiness, the feeling of being neglected, bullying. Rules, regulations, and the deadlines of projects. Major events in a life: birth, death, a job lost, a promotion, marriage, a new place, being lonely at home, especially for elderly people.

And the stresses that come from inside.

The way we live. Caffeine. Lack of sleep. An overloaded schedule.

Negative talk to oneself. Talking to yourself in a negative way. I don’t deserve to be happy. Bad things always happen to me. I have no reason to smile. Mera kismat hi kharab hai.

Mind traps. Also known as thinking errors. Unrealistic expectations, and rigid talk. They consume our decision-making and affect our actions. I know they are talking about me. They think I look weird. I can make out they are judging my gift. The person is trapped in his own thoughts, so these are called mind traps.

Personality. Perfectionists and workaholics. Extrovert people tend to experience less stress, as they are expressive and use their resources during stress. Perfectionists, on the other hand, may bring more stress onto themselves because of their high standards in perfecting things.

Distress, and the other kind

Negative stress, or distress, is when a person faces continuous challenges without relief or relaxation. The death of someone near. Divorce. Accidents. Hospitalisation. Being abused or neglected. Losing a job.

Positive stress, or eustress, is a normal physiological and psychological response. Eustress is stress that is positive, motivating, and enhances functioning. Buying a new home. Starting a new job. Having a child. Marriages. Hosting a party. Waiting for a result to be published.

Fight, flight, freeze

Stress can trigger the body’s response to a perceived threat or danger, known as the fight-or-flight response. It is also called hyperarousal, or the acute stress response. During this reaction, certain hormones like adrenaline and cortisol are released. This speeds the heart rate, slows digestion, shunts blood flow to major muscle groups, and changes various other automatic functions of the nerves, giving the body a burst of energy and strength.

When the perceived threat is gone, systems are designed to return to normal through the relaxation response. But in cases of chronic stress, the relaxation response does not occur often enough, and being in a near-constant state of fight-or-flight can cause damage to the body. Stress can also lead to some unhealthy habits that have a negative effect on the body.

These responses can be seen in ordinary days. Slamming on the brakes when the car in front of you suddenly stops. Encountering a growling dog while on a walk: what do you do? Either pick up a stone and aim at the dog, or start running. These responses are immediate, automatic, and instinctive. Crying during an argument is actually a response to feeling threatened.

Flight is to run, to escape the situation. Freeze is becoming immobile and unable to handle the situation. Fight is to face the situation.

All of a sudden you see a cockroach, a spider, or a lizard. What do you do? Yell, kill, or simply stand still? What do you do when you see a robber? A lion?

When teachers are stressed

1. Completing the syllabus.
2. Having extra duty if any teacher is absent.
3. Addressing the concerns of parents or guardians, especially during this pandemic.
4. Maintaining classroom discipline.
5. Keeping up with changing requirements from the authorities.
6. Filling up progress reports.
7. Having too much administrative work.
8. Being responsible for the students’ achievement.
9. The staff-room environment.

When do you get stressed the most in school?

Setting it down

Some relief is for the moment. Some is for the long run.

Take a deep breath. Just deep breaths. Close your eyes and feel. It will calm your body and mind in a few minutes.

Take a walk. A long walk. Bring different frames into your mind. A change of place also benefits a lot, so just take a stroll and rejuvenate your mind and body.

Try guided imagery. It is like taking a short vacation in your mind. Imagine yourself in a happy place, on a beach, watching the waves, touching the water, picking seashells. Simply close your eyes for a minute and walk yourself through a peaceful scene. Think about all the senses you would use, and allow yourself to feel as though you are really there. Relax, and return gradually.

Listen to some soothing music. Dance. Just dance. You will be relaxed. Or watch a funny film.

Eat something good. It might be chocolate, ice cream, or something of your choice. It can be a drink.

Get a hug from someone dear to you. When you hug someone, oxytocin, also known as the cuddle hormone, is released. Oxytocin is associated with higher levels of happiness and lower levels of stress, as it reduces the stress hormone norepinephrine, which results in a sense of relaxation. So go for a hug.

Try aromatherapy. It has real benefits for relief from stress. It can refresh and energise you. Research suggests certain scents can alter brain-wave activity and decrease stress hormones. It can be flowers, perfumed candles, incense sticks, or cologne. Try incorporating some aromatherapy into your daily routine, and you will indeed feel good.

For the longer work:

Meditation. It is both a short and a long way of relieving stress. There are many different forms to try. Each one is unique and brings its own appeal. You can chant a mantra, or take deep breaths. You can just close your eyes and concentrate on your heartbeat. Meditation and mindfulness take practice, but they can make a big difference to the level of stress.

Make something. Getting in touch with your creative side may have been easy during childhood, but it is not too late to pick it up again. Just play with colours and create something. Your mood will show in your colour.

Eat a balanced diet. High-fat or high-sugar food can provide a temporary sense of relief, but it adds to stress in the long term. Refined carbohydrates like chips and cookies can cause a spike in blood sugar, and when the blood sugar crashes we might feel stress and anxiety. So eat a healthy diet. You can always have a cheat day, when you indulge in these things, but not regularly.

Leisure. Gardening, sketching, decorating your house, cooking, visiting friends, reading books, picnics, and watching a film are key to living your best life.

A kinder way of speaking to yourself. Love yourself. Take good care of yourself. Don’t let negativity affect you. Instead of thinking “I can’t do this, I don’t have time, I am unable to do it, I am inefficient,” it is important to talk to yourself in a more realistic and compassionate manner. Never doubt your ability. Be optimistic. By doing all this you can manage your emotions, and you will surely spread a positive feeling around yourself.

Gratitude. Gratitude helps you recognise all the things you have to be thankful for. You can be grateful for a pleasant day, or that you have reached your workplace safely. It also helps to express gratitude to people you value. So make a list, and thank the people who have contributed to your happiness, or stood by you at difficult times. Show them that you value their contribution.

People around you. Having supportive people around you is the key. If you lack emotional support or friendship, try to get it. If you reach out, a distant relative, or a friend’s friend, can come to your rescue. No matter how big a problem is, if you have a good network you will find a solution. Some of our colleagues went through terrible pain and agony during this pandemic. We lost a member of our JVM family, and others could cope with this distress. If we take care of each other and extend our help, no one will feel left over and dejected.

Sometimes you need to decide to cut out the things that add to stress, so that you experience peace. Watching disturbing news. Using too many electronic devices. Alcohol, or caffeine. These are just a few of the things that may add more stress to life. Addiction to anything results in stress.

For a teacher, in particular:

1. Assess your level of stress.
2. Schedule time to respond to your stress.
3. Establish realistic goals.
4. Focus on what can be controlled.
5. Consult your colleagues.
6. Prioritise your health, family time, and a proper sleep. Love yourself. You are the pivotal part of your family. If you fall sick, the balance of your house and your class will be disturbed. Be your own favourite.
7. Take part in activities that relieve stress.
8. Relax.
9. Forgive yourself. Don’t dwell on past mistakes.

For the students

What stresses them? Examinations. Deadlines. Returning to study after a break. Poor management of time. Difficulty in organising. Too much focus on playing.

And how to handle it. Physical exercise. Jokes and mono-acting. Drawing and colouring. Singing and dancing. Laughing out loud. Telling a funny story. Mimicry. Teaching them to manage time, and to study. Motivating them, and drawing them into the work of the class. Rewarding them, and appreciating them. You can add some more.

The cups

Once, a group of friends visited their old university professor. The light conversation soon turned into complaints, and stories of stress.

The professor offered them coffee, and came back with coffee in a variety of cups. A crystal cup, a broken cup, a steel cup, a plastic cup, a mud cup, and so on. All the students picked up cups according to their choice. When all of them had a cup in their hands, the professor said: if you notice, all of you picked up the best cups, leaving behind the ordinary ones. Everyone wanted the best cup, and that is the source of stress and tension. What you really wanted was coffee, not the cups, but you still went for the best cups. If life is coffee, then job, money, status, bungalows are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. Please don’t let the cups drive you.

Life is a journey from B to D. Birth to death. But don’t forget the C in between. C for control your choices. And to complete it, we can’t leave out A. Adapt, adjust, and accept.

Life is ABCD.

Udne ke liye hosla nahi, pankh chahiye.

Aur khush rehne ke liye daulat nahi, bahana chahiye.

Thank you.